Once that you've decided on a killing First you make a stone of your heart

And if you find that your hands are still willing Then you can turn a murder into art

There really isn't any need for bloodshed You just do it with a little more finesse

If you can slip a tablet into someone's coffee Then it avoids an awful lot of mess

Because it's murder by numbers, 1-2-3 Its as easy to learn as your A-B-C

Murder by numbers, 1-2-3 It's as easy to learn as your A-B-C

Now if you have a taste for this experience And you're flushed with your very first success

Then you must try a twosome or a threesome And you'll find your conscience bothers you much less

Because murder is like anything you take to It's a habit-forming need for more and more

You can bump off any member of your family And anybody else you find a bore

CHORUS

Now you can join the ranks of the illustrious In history's great dark hall of fame

All our greatest killers were industrious At least the ones that we all know by name

But you can reach the top of your profession If you become the leader of the land

For murder is the sport of the elected And you don't need to lift a finger of your hand

CHORUS